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Eric Haines ~Comedian ~ Variety Entertainer ~ ~Patron saint of unpopular, obsolete and anachronistic forms of live entertainment. ~ Guitar-slinging comedian Eric Haines brings pure entertainment to the world of comedy, with an act that is part rock concert, part comedy show and part twisted, bizarre circus. Whether it’s stand-up comedy, unforgettable characters, original music, a six foot unicycle routine or amazing variety acts, Eric Haines puts on a spectacular show that truly has something for everyone. Eric Haines grew up in Montana, where he was considered aristocracy because he owned an air compressor. His career as a performer began when a neighbor paid him $10 to perform at a birthday party. It was like teaching an Afghan farmer to grow poppies. Thinking that the easy money from performing meant he could avoid a real job, he quickly developed his own comedy-based variety show for corporate events. When Haines began working full time as a professional comedian in 1995, he had already been working as a corporate entertainer for over ten years, a remarkable testament to how hard someone will work to avoid work. He has over twenty-five years total experience working as an all-around entertainer, both as a comedian and in the professional fields of theater, children’s theater, school assembly programs, festival entertainment, school workshops and corporate entertainment. Eric toured briefly in a circus just to make his family lose all hope, studied music and voice in Vienna, Austria, and hit the road for five years as an actor with three different theater companies, during which time he married his wife, Kim. She encouraged him to return to the University of Montana to finish his Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in performing, where he graduated with honors and fooled her into believing that he had become responsible and mature. After finishing his degree he spent eight years as half of a headlining comedy team called the Rock and Roll Comedy Circus of Death. After the team broke up in 2003, Haines struck out on his own and won the first two comedy competitions he entered, including the 2004 Northwest Comedy Competition. Highlights of his comedy career include having his comedy songs played on the Dr. Demento show and the Mad Music Archive, and opening for Weird Al Yankovic, Neal McCoy and Louie Anderson. Haines also spent three years personally building his family’s dream home. In an ironic twist, upon completing the 4,000 sq ft log house surrounded by a pine forest, medical tests revealed that he that he is severely allergic to pine. He now lives in a plastic bubble near Seattle with his wife and twin children. “You da bomb” -Weird Al Yankovic “Engaging, honest and heartfelt– you will love him.” -Louie Anderson “Eric... well... I don't know what the hell he did. He joked, he sang, he jumped around, he molested random people in the audience... I was exhausted just watching him. But the audience thought he was hysterical - and that means he did his job, and exceptionally well, if the laughs were any indicator.” -Ken Pringle, chucklemonkey.com (Las Vegas Comedy Festival review) "My act is how stand-ups describe their act when they're trying to be sarcastic." -Eric Haines He will make your puny brains quiver like a bowl of congealed chicken fat. Eric Haines is available for interviews. Call 206-948-4462, or e-mail Eric through the contact page. |
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Comedian Eric Haines |
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Comedy, juggling, music and variety for short attention spans. |
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Eric Haines juggling at a show on the beach.
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Eric Haines Bio, Referrals and Resume |
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CORPORATE/ CONFERENCES Microsoft WA Assoc. of Vehicle Licensing Subagents WSU Road Builders Conf. Mason County Transition Conference McFarland Cascade Waste Management Albany OR Assoc. of County and City Informational System Managers WA Pepsi Bottling Co. WA Association of IT Officials Sause Brothers (OR) H&R Block Auburn Ave. Theater Lewiston Chamber of Commerce Eugene Beauty Supply Decorative Concrete Law Enforcement Credit Union Bancroft, Buckley, Johnston & Serres, LLP National Association of Credit Management WA Association of County Officials LeMaster & Daniels CPA MT Telecommunications Assoc. Wyoming Auto Dealers Assoc. League of Cities/WA Mayors assoc. Northwest Securities Corp. WA School Superintendent Association La Pine Chamber of Commerce Grays Harbor College: Transition Conference Apollo Sheet Metal Baldwin Construction (CA) Quincy Valley Chamber of Commerce Waste Connection North Kitsap Family Practice and Urgent Care Valley Health and Postal Employee Credit Union Washington Athletic Club Windermere real estate/ Kingston WA Ness Crane Allied Security Steve Hahn Auto Sales Kingston Yacht Club Mennonite Village Nursing Assistants Tri-County Health Underwriters Kingston Lumber Creative Office Red Hat Ladies Sitka Works! Stihl Northwest, Montana Agricultural Business Assoc., Montana Grain Elevator Assoc., 2M Corporation, Apollo Sheet Metal, Barcode Resale, Okanogan Behavioral Healthcare, Washington State CPA, IdaMont Potato Growers WA Potato and Onion growers and Shippers Association, Washington Beef LLC Moses Lake Country Club AAA of Montana, American Cancer Society (WY), American Piledriving Equipment, Basin Arts Council (WY), Ben Franklin Frames Arlington Vol. Fire Dept., Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Central Oregon, Building Association of Nevada and Colorado, Bank of Colorado, Beaches Beauty Supply, Big Rig Blowout/ Muralts Travel Plaza, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Borden Chemical Co. (OR), Cargill Animal Nutrition Division, Carbon County Cattle Co., Cenex Land O’Lakes (MN), Coeur D’Alene Snow mobile club, Community Medical Center, Conover Insurance, Doubletree Hotels, (WA), Ford of Walla Walla, First Interstate Bank, Foothills Lincoln Mercury, Galusha, Higgins & Galusha, Havre Chamber of Commerce, Holiday Inn “Holiday Fest” Holiday Stationstores, HDR Engineering, International Society of Arboriculture, JTL group, Mount Hood Beverage (OR), MT Cable Television , MT Association of Nurserymen, MT Land Title Association, Missoula Building Industry Association, Missoula Exchange Club, MHIMA, Moro County Arts Council, MT Seed Potato Growers Association, MT Independent Bankers Association, MT Association of Counties, MT Manufactured Housing Association, MT Innkeepers Association, MT Magistrates Association, MT Trial Lawyers Association, MT Water Well Drillers Association, Montana Athletic Club, Montana Contractors Association, National Association of Meeting Planners, National Association of Building Industry Executives, Pinnacle Bank, (WY), Quality Supply, Rotary Club of Canada, Safeway of Canada, Seafair (Seattle) Aqua Follies, Sleep Country/ Mattress Gallery/ Mattress Express (WA, OR), Sons of Norway, Spanish Peaks Medical Center (CO), Snowcross Snowmobile Races, Stevens Pass ski resort, Stevensville Community Foundation, St. Patrick’s Hospital, Timber Edge Machine, University of MT Food Services, Vinson Rodeo, VRI, WA State CPA Association, Waste Water Management Group, Watkins and Shepard Trucking, The Western Montana Messenger, Western Federal Savings Bank, Wyoming Association of Bankers |
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FAIRS AND FESTIVALS A Taste of Edmonds Auburn Parks and Recreation Beartooth Promotions, Bend Summerfest Bite of Seattle DuPont Summerfest Edmonds Waterfront Festival Everett Sausage Fest Evergreen State Fair Federal Way red, white and blues festival Fort Lewis, WA Armed Forces Day Fircrest Family Fun Days First Night, First Night Missoula First Night Tacoma Good Guys Car show (Puyallup) Grant County Fair King County Fair Kittitas County Fair Island County Fair (WA) Lincoln County Fair Medina Days Carnival Meeker Days/ Puyallup Main Street Missoula County 4-H Country Fair Naval Station Everett Outrageous Universe Revival Festival (New York Music Festival) Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium Prosser’s Best Run Redmond Derby Days Runamucca Motorcycle Rally (3 years) The Slice of the Yakima Valley Tacoma Ethnic Fest Taste of Tacoma Taste of Beaverton Taste of Missoula Toppenish Pow Wow and Rodeo University Place Festival Tukwila days Tukwila's Family Forth at the Fort Yakima County Stadium Walla Walla State Fair Washington State Apple Blossom Festival
AWARDS Winner 2004 Northwest Comedy Competition 2008 Award of Excellence, Evergreen State Fair advisory board
COLLEGES Central Washington University University of Montana, Missoula, MT Montana Tech. Butte, MT MSU Northern, Havre, MT MSU Billings Seattle University Highline Community College, Seattle, WA University of Wyoming Pacific University, Forest Grove, OR Grays Harbor College, Aberdeen, WA Southwestern Oregon Community College Bates Technical College
OPENING ACT Weird Al Yankovic Louie Anderson Neal McCoy Nickelodeon Hypnotic Clambake Perfect Thyroid
TV and COMMERCIALS Water Quality District E-Z Money Check Cashing Bakke Tire Company Cowboy Bar Honey Jewelers Taste of Missoula Job Corps (16mm film. Commercial ran in movie theaters) Jore Corporation (16mm film, translated into 14 languages for distribution to Europe and the U.S.)
SPECIAL PERFORMANCES Circus of Dreams (WA) Las Vegas Comedy Festival N.A.C.A. (Western) Main Stage Mount Baker Middle School Spokane VFW fund Raiser Nile Shrine Caldwell Center for Education and the Arts All 4 Limbs show Kotzebue AK wrestling team fund raiser HHC 116th Battalion Welcome Home Party U.S.S. Carl Vinson Aircraft Carrier Prosser’s Best Run B.J. Shea BUZZ listener appreciation party Laugh Lovers Ball Big Brothers and Big Sisters Boy Scouts (WA) Cancer Walk M.S. Foundation Montana Rescue Mission Komics for Kids United Way Kiwanis Club Lions Club Rotary Club Watson Children’s Shelter Evergreen Church Scio Girls and Boys Club Renton Breakfast with Santa Auburn Breakfast with Santa North Middle School, Everett WA Deer Park High School Save our Sonics campaign
HOST/ EMCEE Tacoma Ethnic Fest Federal Way red, white and blues festival Redmond Derby Days University Place Festival Taste of Tacoma comedy stage Miss Montana Scholarship Pageant First Night Tacoma USS Stennis Family Fun Day Washington State Apple Blossom Festival |
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Past Clients |
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Referrals and Quotes (continued) Dear Mr. Haines: The show that you presented to our Deer Park High School students today was outstanding. We have done many presentations here, but you are one of few that held the students interest the entire time, and included the crowd in a very positive manner. You have a great talent and please keep entertaining our young people. They need your positive influence and talent in their lives! Linda Davis Student Advisor Deer Park High School (Contact number available upon request)
“Hey Eric, Great show– very clever stuff! Look forward to working w/ you again sometime!” -Les Martinez, Road Mgr. Neal McCoy
“Eric, Great, Great, Performance!! You were perfect for what we were looking for. We loved your audience participation, and how fast paced everything was. I will be recommending you to others often.” Dan Briscoe, Vice President, Business Development, Apollo Sheet Metal
“Mr. Haines, You performed at a function in our town recently for a bunch of soldiers that just returned from Iraq, To be totally honest with you I was fairly uncertain about having a comedian there because of all the mixed feelings, politics, and so on. I would just like to let you know that it was by far the best function I have been to (except my wedding) . I was not sure if I was capable of ever feeling happy and laughing so hard again as you made possible that evening. The entire company was in agreement, that it was great. I have received numerous comments on just how fun you made the event. I would like to extent a great big thank you from us here at HHC 116th Engineer Battalion. SFC Robert Oliver (Contact number available upon request) “First I want to start off with...thank you...thank you...thank you. Your show was wonderful and everyone had a great time. Those soldiers (116th ) have had such a hard time adjusting and just being happy again. My ultimate goal with having you there was to see those guys smile again and thanks to you, that happened. I cannot thank you enough and you should take pride in knowing that you made a difference.” Kathy Oliver
“You are the best. 3rd time we have booked and not the last.” Ann Van Dyke, Quincy Chamber and Washington Potato and Onion Association (Contact number available upon request)
These are comments we’ve received about our Christmas party which your routine had a big hand in. “Fabulous and great, wonderful time! All good comments received here!!! Great work!” (from our Executive Vice President) “The Christmas party was a great time. Good food, good entertainment…” “BEST ONE I HAVE BEEN TO!!! AWSOME!!” “My sides were hurting from laughing!!” “Where did you find him at!?” “He was hysterical” Merry Christmas Eric, and Thanks! Ryan Ratchford, Business Development , Apollo (Contact number available upon request)
A comment from Scott Land (the lead puppeteer on the film Team America World Police,) about a video of Giuseppe the monkey that was posted on You Tube: Hi Eric, I thought you and the monkey were great. What materials did you make him from. The animation was pro. Scott Land
Our group of licensed foster parents was fortunate to have Eric Haines perform for us at our annual recognition banquet. Eric engaged the audience from the moment he was introduced until he closed his act. Using humor, juggling, puppetry and song he furnished many laughs and still conveyed an inspirational message. He was able to tailor his material to the audience, hold their attention and leave them feeling good. He will be a hard act to follow when we book the entertainment next year. Bruce Thomas, Area Administrator, Children's Services (Contact number available upon request)
“What a delight to experience such originality, energy & intelligent humor all in one package-You are one of a kind! -Jewels, bar manager, Billings hotel and convention center
"Eric Haines opened the 6th Annual Comedy Benefit fundraiser with creativity, laughter and sheer craziness. His act kept the audience involved and on their toes. His professionalism was wonderful! " -- Bridget Branson, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Oregon
Dear Eric, Thank you so much for acting as our Keynote Speaker for our fourth annual Transition Conference held on Thursday, March 29, 2007 at Grays Harbor College Aberdeen, Washington. The Transition students & staff plus the members of the Transition Council enjoyed your presentation very much. When I saw the students almost falling off their chairs with laughter I knew that you were a hit. The students and the teachers raved about your show for days after the conference! Your act was very appropriate for the students and the way you gave them encouragement as you did in your act was fitting. We look forward to seeing you again! Thank you! Sincerely, Patti Lignoski, DD Program Specialist, Grays Harbor County Public Health and Social Services Department & Representative of Grays Harbor Transition Council (Contact number available upon request)
Dear Eric, April 9th, 2007 I want to take a brief moment to thank you for your brilliant inspirational and comic presentation at WorkSource Grays Harbor’s 4th annual Transition Conference. Your highly skilled talent of choreographed musical and physical coordination fed into the hands of your special audience. Your skills allowed the audience to feel comfortable interacting with your presentation, while absorbing your subtle messages about everyone’s opportunity to break the disability envelope. On behalf of WorkSource and our partners, thank you for enlightening our transition Conference. Sincerely, Ron Schmidt, Co-Manager WorkSource Grays Harbor and Pacific Counties (Contact number available upon request) December 8, 2006
We chose Eric Haines to perform at our Annual Christmas Party on December 2, 2006 and were extremely impressed by his performance. Our Christmas Party is attended by 75 employees and their spouses or guests. We have employees ranging in age from 16-62 and good clean fun was had by all. We highly recommend Eric for your next event. Please feel free to call me for more information. Sincerely, Nicole Shelton, Administrative Assistant – Personnel, Kingston Lumber Supply, (Contact number available upon request)
Feb. 8th 2007 “Thank you!” for the interaction, the creativity and the fun you brought to the WAC’s New Year’s Eve party. When speaking with you in advance, I was convinced you were exactly what I was looking for to add to our festive mix. But, not only did you meet, you exceeded that expectation, delivering more than anticipated. And, it brought “freshness” to our annual event. Eric, your use of costume changes, props and audience members kept things lively and new. Your comedy, juggling, stilt-walking and unicycle skills are a great variety of acts that kept the audience wondering what you would do (or wear) next. I’m sure we only tapped your repertoire of talents so I definitely plan to have you back at the WAC to shine in the limelight of more events. Thank you for your entertainment, and for being flexible, enthusiastic and easy to work with. I look forward to working with you again. Robert Laurent, Senior Event Manager, Washington Athletic Club (Contact number available upon request) |
