Eric Haines
Comedian, One Man Band, Comedy Juggler, Stilt Walker
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Guitar-slinging comedian Eric Haines brings pure entertainment to the world of comedy, with an act that is part rock concert, part comedy show and part twisted, bizarre circus.  His comedy songs have been featured on the Dr. Demento Radio program, and he was the winner of the Northwest Comedy Competition. Whether it’s stand-up comedy, unforgettable characters, original music, a six foot unicycle routine or amazing variety acts, Eric Haines puts on a spectacular show that truly has something for everyone.    

Eric Haines grew up in Montana, where he was considered aristocracy because he owned an air compressor. His career as a performer began when a neighbor paid him $10 to perform at a birthday party. It was like teaching an Afghan farmer to grow poppies. Thinking that the easy money from performing meant he could avoid a real job, he quickly developed his own comedy-based variety show for corporate events. When Haines began working full time as a professional comedian in 1995, he had already been working as a corporate entertainer for over ten years, a remarkable testament to how hard someone will work to avoid work. He has over twenty-five years total experience working as an all-around entertainer, both as a comedian and in the professional fields of theater, children’s theater, school assembly programs, fairs and festival entertainment, school workshops and corporate entertainment.  

Eric toured briefly in a circus just to make his family lose all hope, studied music and voice in Vienna, Austria, and hit the road for five years as an actor with three different theater companies, during which time he married his wife, Kim. She encouraged him to return to the University of Montana to finish his Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in performing arts, with an emphasis on dance choreography and performance. where he graduated with honors and fooled her into believing that he had become responsible and mature. After finishing his degree he spent eight years as half of a headlining comedy team called the Rock and Roll Comedy Circus of Death.

 

Eric Haines Bio, Referrals and Resume

Text Box: Referrals and Quotes

“You da bomb.” - Weird Al  Yankovic    

"Engaging, honest and heartfelt- you will love him." -Louie Anderson 

Las Vegas Comedy Festival review:
“Eric... well... I don't know what the hell he did. He joked, he sang, he jumped around, he molested random people in the audience... I was exhausted just watching him. But the audience thought he was hysterical - and that means he did his job, and exceptionally well, if the laughs were any indicator.” -Ken Pringle, chucklemonkey.com    

 “Just a quick note from a couple travelers who very much enjoyed the performers at the SEATAC airport on the 17th of December.  Our thanks to all who showed us such a display of fun and merriment while we were waiting for over FIVE hours for a connecting flight to return us to our home in Texas after a weeklong visit to Bozeman, MT for a grandson's university graduation.  My wife commented on the good taste, diversity, and attitude of happiness that seemed to entertain all who were in the area.  My special gratitude to Mr. Haines for his "One Man Band".  His vocals were equally as good as his rhythm with the drum and banjo. 

Whoever put this together with high-riding bike riders, fairy princesses with their wands, unicyclists, dancing bears and Rudolph with his shiny nose?  Wow!!  Great fun!!   Then, to add the Santa, with his trusty elf, made the faces of several children shine with delight!!

Thank you for transforming our ordeal into a day of fun!!”

A. Gordon Johnson,  Marie Herrenschmidt

P.S.  Even our little long haired miniature Dachshund was entertained by it all!!


We recently booked Eric Haines and he was awesome! -Jeannette Sieler, Recreation Supervisor City of Lacey Parks & Recreation  PO Box 3400 Lacey WA 98509-3400  (Contact number available upon request) 

June 1, 2009  To Whom It May Concern:
Eric Haines has performed for the Mason County Transition Conference in Shelton, Washington for the last two years. The target audience is 14-21-year-old transition students from the local schools. Eric’s ability to entertain and hold the interest of this audience has been outstanding. The focus of the conference is vocational goals and life after high school. Additionally, Eric presented the closing wrap up to the students. Eric developed a special presentation that tied the program together by using his own career experiences as examples of what it takes to be successful in life as well as on the job.
Several of the students made it clear that they want to see Eric perform again. We definitely plan on asking Eric back next year. Although the target audience is young, there were several adults in attendance who commented on how much they enjoyed Eric’s presentation/performance. The Mason County Transition Conference Planning Committee found working with Eric to be a smooth process.
We would not hesitate to recommend Eric for any event, as his appeal is universal.
Sincerely, Chris Abel Committee Member  MC Transition Conference Planning Committee 

 To Whom It May Concern:
Our organization couldn’t have been luckier than to have Eric Haines provide the entertainment at our Annual Conference. What a great show!
I have been hiring entertainers for over 20 years and Eric is one of the best. He is not just a comedian, but a very talented and incredibly energetic performer. He sang, played the banjo, juggled, rode a unicycle and, to top it all off, he had everyone laughing hilariously as he showed what a skilled marionette artist he is with his monkey puppet! He may not stand behind a curtain while pulling the strings and he may not be a ventriloquist, but that’s what makes him one of a kind.
The audience especially loved seeing their colleagues become part of the show.
Eric’s comedy was crazy, fun, clean and hysterical! I would recommend him to any group looking for an entertainer who will make everyone laugh.
Sincerely, Christina Bridston, Deputy Director, Washington Association of County Officials (Contact number available upon request)


Dear Eric: Thank you for very much for putting on such a great performance! It was a perfect kick-off to our 2007 Kids SummerStage series.
Both of the times you’ve performed here in Auburn, I receive instant feedback from people literally gushing about how much fun your show is  and how good a performer you are. Before we booked you the first time I asked for insight from colleagues from around the Puget Sound region and they all replied with same enthusiasm.
And I agree! Yours is a very clever show with some very fresh material that keeps the kids giggling and the adults laughing throughout. I highly recommend your show to any other who is looking to book you as a part of their event.
Thank you, Laurie Rose, Cultural Arts Manager, City of Auburn (Contact number available upon request) 

To whom it may concern;     
At our Annual Banquet and Awards Gala held this year on March 24, 2007, we were fortunate to have contracted Eric Haines as our entertainment. We requested a good, clean presentation for our 100 guests who represented most of our 250+ Chamber members. We were not disappointed.
Eric’s comedic routine was a rollicking, side-splitting event that left participants exclaiming it to be the best annual banquet ever. “Fantastic time”, “my face hurt from laughing”, and other such comments were immediately heard after the event, and congratulatory calls to the Chamber office thanking us for such a great time continue to be received.
Eric was so easy to work with and very accommodating of our evening event schedule. He included several of our guests in his routine making it a much more interactive event enjoyed by all– including those who were “volunteered” up to the stage.
I would recommend Eric Haines without reservation. His professional, versatile and engaging style is a sure winner for your event.
Sincerely,
Rose Alsbury, Executive Director, La Pine Chamber of Commerce (Contact number available upon request) 

Dear Eric
What can I say?  Your comedy/entertainment show was absolutely amazing.  I have been going to comedy shows for over 40 years and I have seen some of the best but your show was a "one of a kind" experience.  You definitely made our Employee Appreciation Christmas Party a booming success!!  Nearly all the 105 people in the audience came up to me and made complimentary remarks.  Here are just some of the comments I heard after your hilarious show:
"Best comedy show I have ever seen, period!" 
"I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt!" 
"You have got to bring this guy back. He is s-o-o-o funny!" 
"This guy is crazy… where did you find him?  What a riot!" 
"Carrot Top on steroids… with singing, dancing and juggling thrown in!"
What was so refreshing…. is that you did it all without using any profanity.  My eight year old daughter could have attended the show and she would have laughed just as hard.  In today's Comedy World where so many comics stoop to using four-letter words, every fourth word just to get a laugh, it is fantastic to see someone who works so hard to make us laugh without the profanity. I call the other guys, "lazy comics" because they can't write comedy bits without profanity.  Part of your style reminds me of Bob Hope, truly one of the greatest comedians ever who could do a one hour show and make you laugh without cursing.   Bravo… Eric… Bravo!!
If anyone is looking for a "guaranteed home run" comedy show for their Corporation, Christmas Party, Wedding or Wake…  I suggest they call you.  They won't be embarrassed by foul language, they won't get in trouble with their bosses and they certainly won't be disappointed.  They will get the credit and compliments for picking you for their entertainment!!  Thank you again for a truly unique and very, very funny experience.  We will be calling you again.
Very truly yours,
Dye Hawley, Security Consultant, Allied Fire & Security 
425 W. Second Avenue, Spokane, WA  99201 (Contact number available upon request) 

 “I just wanted to send you a quick note to again thank you for such a wonderful performance the other night at our Christmas Employee Appreciation Dinner. Here it is a week later and my face is still sore from all the laughter. Each year we schedule entertainment without knowing what to expect. You surely came through for us this year. The entire staff loved it and they are still talking about it. 
Thank you again for making our event an evening to remember.” 
Sincerely,  
Lowell Gordon, President, The Creative Office  Dec. 2006 (Contact number available upon request) 
Referrals and Quotes
(continued)
Dear Mr. Haines:   The show that you presented to our Deer Park High School students today was outstanding.  We have done many presentations here, but you are one of few that held the students interest the entire time, and included the crowd in a very positive manner.    You have a great talent and please keep entertaining our young people.  They need your positive influence and talent in their lives!   Linda Davis Student Advisor Deer Park High School (Contact number available upon request) 

“Hey Eric, Great show– very clever stuff! Look forward to working w/ you again sometime!” -Les Martinez, Road Mgr. Neal McCoy 

“Eric, 
Great, Great, Performance!!  You were perfect for what we were looking for.  We loved your audience participation, and how fast paced everything was.  I will be recommending you to others often.” 
Dan Briscoe, Vice President, Business Development, Apollo Sheet Metal  

“Mr. Haines, You performed at a function in our town recently for a bunch of soldiers that just returned from Iraq,  To be totally honest with you I was fairly uncertain about having a comedian there because of all the mixed feelings, politics, and so on.  I would just like to let you know that it was by far the best function I have been to (except my wedding) .  I was not sure if I was capable of ever feeling happy and laughing so hard again as you made possible that evening.  The entire company was in agreement, that it was great.  I have received numerous comments on just how fun you made the event.  I would like to extent a great big thank you from us here at  HHC 116th Engineer  Battalion.     SFC  Robert Oliver   (Contact number available upon request) 
“First I want to start off with...thank you...thank you...thank you.  Your show was wonderful and everyone had a great time.  Those soldiers (116th )  have had such a hard time adjusting and just being happy again.  My ultimate goal with having you there was to see those guys smile again and thanks to you, that happened.  I cannot thank you enough and you should take pride in knowing that you made a difference.”   Kathy Oliver    

“You are the best. 3rd time we have booked and not the last.” Ann Van Dyke, Quincy Chamber and Washington Potato and Onion Association   (Contact number available upon request) 

These are comments we’ve received about our Christmas party which your routine had a big hand in.
 “Fabulous and great, wonderful time! All good comments received here!!! Great work!”   (from our Executive Vice President)
 “The Christmas party was a great time.  Good food, good entertainment…”
 “BEST ONE I HAVE BEEN TO!!! AWSOME!!”
 “My sides were hurting from laughing!!”
 “Where did you find him at!?”
 “He was hysterical” 
 Merry Christmas Eric, and Thanks!  
Ryan Ratchford, Business Development , Apollo  (Contact number available upon request)

A comment from Scott Land (the lead puppeteer on the film Team America World Police,) about a video of Giuseppe the monkey  that was posted on You Tube:
Hi Eric, I thought you and the monkey were great. What materials did you make him from. The animation was pro.
Scott Land 

Our group of licensed foster parents was fortunate to have Eric Haines perform for us at our annual recognition banquet. Eric engaged the audience from the moment he was introduced until he closed his act.  Using humor, juggling, puppetry and song he furnished many laughs and still conveyed an inspirational message.   He was able to tailor his material to the audience, hold their attention and leave them feeling good.  He will be a hard act to follow when we book the entertainment next year.
Bruce Thomas, Area Administrator, Children's Services  (Contact number available upon request)

  “What a delight to experience such originality, energy & intelligent humor all in one package-You are one of a kind! -Jewels, bar manager, Billings hotel and convention center

"Eric Haines opened the 6th Annual Comedy Benefit fundraiser with creativity, laughter and sheer craziness.  His act kept the audience involved and on their toes. His professionalism was wonderful! " -- Bridget Branson,  Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Oregon

Dear Eric,
Thank you so much for acting as our Keynote Speaker for our fourth annual Transition Conference held on Thursday, March 29, 2007 at Grays Harbor College Aberdeen, Washington. The Transition students & staff plus the members of the Transition Council enjoyed your presentation very much. When I saw the students almost falling off their chairs with laughter I knew that you were a hit. The students and the teachers raved about your show for days after the conference! Your act was very appropriate for the students and the way you gave them encouragement as you did in your act was fitting.
We look forward to seeing you again!
Thank you! Sincerely, Patti Lignoski, DD Program Specialist, Grays Harbor County Public Health and Social Services Department & Representative of Grays Harbor Transition Council   (Contact number available upon request)  

Dear Eric,       April 9th, 2007
I want to take a brief moment to thank you for your brilliant inspirational and comic presentation at WorkSource Grays Harbor’s 4th annual Transition Conference.
Your highly skilled talent of choreographed musical and physical coordination fed into the hands of your special audience. Your skills allowed the audience to feel comfortable interacting with your presentation, while absorbing your subtle messages about everyone’s opportunity to break the disability envelope.
On behalf of WorkSource and our partners, thank you for enlightening our transition Conference.
Sincerely, Ron Schmidt, Co-Manager WorkSource Grays Harbor and Pacific Counties (Contact number available upon request)  December 8, 2006
 
  We chose Eric Haines to perform at our Annual Christmas Party on December 2, 2006 and were extremely impressed by his performance.  Our Christmas Party is attended by 75 employees and their spouses or guests.  We have employees ranging in age from 16-62 and good clean fun was had by all.  We highly recommend Eric for your next event.
 Please feel free to call me for more information.
 Sincerely, Nicole Shelton, Administrative Assistant – Personnel, Kingston Lumber Supply, (Contact number available upon request) 


Feb. 8th 2007
“Thank you!” for the interaction, the creativity and the fun you brought to the WAC’s New Year’s Eve party. When speaking with you in advance, I was convinced you were exactly what I was looking for to add to our festive mix. But, not only did you meet, you exceeded that expectation, delivering more than anticipated. And, it brought “freshness” to our annual event.
Eric, your use of costume changes, props and audience members kept things lively and new. Your comedy, juggling, stilt-walking and unicycle skills are a great variety of acts that kept the audience wondering what you would do (or wear) next. I’m sure we only tapped your repertoire of talents so I definitely plan to have you back at the WAC to shine in the limelight of more events.
Thank you for your entertainment, and for being flexible, enthusiastic and easy to work with. I look forward to working with you again.
Robert Laurent, Senior Event Manager, Washington Athletic Club (Contact number available upon request)  
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Eric Haines

~Comedian ~ Variety Entertainer ~

~Patron saint of unpopular, obsolete and anachronistic forms of live entertainment. ~

 CORPORATE/ CONFERENCES

Silicon Valley Bank SVB

Microsoft

WA Assoc. of Vehicle Licensing Subagents

WSU Road Builders Conf.

Mason County Transition Conference

McFarland Cascade

Waste Management Albany OR

Assoc. of County and City Informational System Managers WA

Pepsi Bottling Co.

WA Association of IT Officials

Sause Brothers (OR)

H&R Block

Auburn Ave. Theater

Lewiston Chamber of Commerce

Eugene Beauty Supply

Decorative Concrete

Law Enforcement Credit Union

Bancroft, Buckley, Johnston & Serres, LLP

National Association of Credit Management

WA Association of County Officials

LeMaster & Daniels CPA

MT Telecommunications Assoc.

Wyoming Auto Dealers Assoc.

League of Cities/WA Mayors assoc.

Northwest Securities Corp.

WA School Superintendent Association

La Pine Chamber of Commerce

Grays Harbor College: Transition Conference

Apollo Sheet Metal

Baldwin Construction (CA)

Quincy Valley Chamber of Commerce

Waste Connection

North Kitsap Family Practice and Urgent Care

Valley Health and Postal Employee Credit Union

Washington Athletic Club

Windermere real estate/ Kingston WA

Ness Crane

Allied Security

Steve Hahn Auto Sales

Kingston Yacht Club

Mennonite Village Nursing Assistants

Tri-County Health Underwriters

Kingston Lumber

Creative Office

Red Hat Ladies

Sitka Works!

Stihl Northwest,

Montana Agricultural Business Assoc.,

Montana Grain Elevator Assoc.,

2M Corporation,

Apollo Sheet Metal,

Barcode Resale,

Okanogan Behavioral Healthcare,

Washington State CPA,

IdaMont Potato Growers

WA Potato and Onion growers and Shippers Association,

Washington Beef LLC

Moses Lake Country Club

AAA of Montana,

American Cancer Society (WY),

American Piledriving Equipment,

Basin Arts Council (WY),

Ben Franklin Frames

Arlington Vol. Fire Dept.,

Big Brothers and Big Sisters

of Central Oregon,

Building Association of

Nevada and Colorado,

Bank of Colorado,

Beaches Beauty Supply,

Big Rig Blowout/ Muralts Travel Plaza,

Blue Cross Blue Shield, Borden Chemical Co. (OR),

Cargill Animal Nutrition Division,

Carbon County Cattle Co.,

Cenex Land O’Lakes (MN),

Coeur D’Alene Snow mobile club,

Community Medical Center,

Conover Insurance,

Doubletree Hotels, (WA),

Ford of Walla Walla,

First Interstate Bank,

Foothills Lincoln Mercury,

Galusha, Higgins & Galusha,

Havre Chamber of Commerce,

Holiday Inn “Holiday Fest”

Holiday Stationstores,

HDR Engineering,

International Society of Arboriculture,

JTL group,

Mount Hood Beverage (OR),

MT Cable Television ,

MT Association of Nurserymen,

MT Land Title Association,

Missoula Building Industry Association,

Missoula Exchange Club,

MHIMA,

Moro County Arts Council,

MT Seed Potato Growers Association,

MT Independent Bankers Association,

MT Association of Counties,

MT Manufactured Housing Association,

MT Innkeepers Association,

MT Magistrates Association,

MT Trial Lawyers Association,

MT Water Well Drillers Association,

Montana Athletic Club, 

Montana Contractors Association,

National Association of Meeting Planners,

National Association of Building Industry Executives,

Pinnacle Bank, (WY),

Quality Supply,

Rotary Club of Canada,

Safeway of Canada,

Sause Bros. (OR)

Seafair (Seattle) Aqua Follies,

Sleep Country/ Mattress Gallery/ Mattress Express (WA, OR),

Sons of Norway,

Spanish Peaks Medical Center (CO),

Snowcross Snowmobile Races,

Stevens Pass ski resort,

Stevensville Community Foundation,

St. Patrick’s Hospital,

Timber Edge Machine,

Tulalip Casino New Years

University of MT Food Services,

Vinson Rodeo,

VRI,

WA State CPA Association,

Waste Water Management Group,

Watkins and Shepard Trucking,

The Western Montana Messenger,

Western Federal Savings Bank,

Wyoming Association of Bankers

FAIRS AND FESTIVALS

A Taste of Edmonds

Auburn Parks and Recreation

Beartooth Promotions,

Bend Summerfest

Benton-Franklin Fair

Bite of Seattle

Deschutes County Fair OR

DuPont Summerfest

Edmonds Waterfront Festival

Everett Sausage Fest

Evergreen State Fair

Federal Way red, white and blues festival

Fort Lewis, WA Armed Forces Day

Fircrest Family Fun Days

First Night Spokane

First Night Missoula

First Night Tacoma

Good Guys Car show (Puyallup)

Grant County Fair

Grapefest (Kennewick WA)

King County Fair

Kittitas County Fair

Island County Fair (WA)

Lincoln County Fair

Linn County Fair

Medina Days Carnival

Meeker Days/ Puyallup Main Street

Mill Creek Festival

Missoula County 4-H Country Fair

Naval Station Everett

Outrageous Universe Revival Festival    (New York Music Festival)

Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium

Polk County Fair

Prosser’s Best Run

Puyallup Fair

Puyallup Spring Fair

Redmond Derby Days

Renton River Days

Runamucca Motorcycle Rally

Stanwood-Camano community Fair

The Slice of the Yakima Valley

Tacoma Ethnic Fest
Taste of Edmonds

Taste of Tacoma

Taste of Beaverton

Taste of Missoula

Toppenish Pow Wow and Rodeo

Union Gap's Old Town Days

University Place Festival

Utah State Fair

Tukwila days

Tukwila's Family Forth at the Fort

Yakima County Stadium

Walla Walla  State Fair

Washington State Fair

Washington State Apple Blossom Festival

Washington County Fair (OR)

Grapefest Centennial Celebration

 

AWARDS

Winner 2004 Northwest Comedy Competition

2008 Award of Excellence, Evergreen State Fair advisory board

 

COLLEGES

Central Washington University

University of Montana, Missoula, MT

Montana Tech. Butte, MT

MSU Northern, Havre, MT

MSU Billings

Seattle University

Highline Community College, Seattle, WA

University of Wyoming

Pacific University, Forest Grove, OR

Grays Harbor College, Aberdeen, WA

Southwestern Oregon Community College

Bates Technical College

 

OPENING ACT

Weird Al Yankovic

Louie Anderson

Neal McCoy

Nickelodeon

Hypnotic Clambake

Perfect Thyroid

 

TV and  COMMERCIALS

Water Quality District

E-Z Money Check Cashing

Bakke Tire Company

Cowboy Bar

Honey Jewelers

Taste of Missoula

Job Corps (16mm film. Commercial ran in movie theaters)

Jore Corporation (16mm film, translated into 14 languages for distribution to Europe and the U.S.)

 

SPECIAL PERFORMANCES

Seattle Symphony Day Of Music (One Man Band)

School Assembly Showcase

Circus of Dreams (WA)

Las Vegas Comedy Festival

N.A.C.A. (Western) Main Stage

National MS Society

Seagals halftime show/ Seahawks

Cabiri physical theater troupe

Seatac Airport

Mount Baker Middle School

Spokane VFW fund Raiser

Nile Shrine

Caldwell Center for Education and the Arts

All 4 Limbs show

Kotzebue AK wrestling team fund raiser

HHC 116th Battalion Welcome Home Party

U.S.S. Carl Vinson Aircraft Carrier

Prosser’s Best Run

B.J. Shea  BUZZ listener appreciation party

Laugh Lovers Ball

Big Brothers and Big Sisters

Boy Scouts (WA)

Cancer Walk

M.S. Foundation

Montana Rescue Mission

Komics for Kids

United Way

Kiwanis Club

Lions Club

Rotary Club

Watson Children’s Shelter

Evergreen Church

Scio Girls and Boys Club

Renton Breakfast with Santa

Auburn Breakfast with Santa

North Middle School, Everett WA

Deer Park High School

Save our Sonics campaign

 

HOST/ EMCEE

Washington Apple Blossom Festival

Tacoma Ethnic Fest

Federal Way red, white and blues festival

Redmond Derby Days

Gig Harbor Scarecrow Fest

University Place Festival

Taste of Tacoma comedy stage

Miss Montana Scholarship Pageant

First Night Tacoma

USS Stennis Family Fun Day

Washington State Apple Blossom Festival

Past Clients

After the team broke up in 2003, Haines struck out on his own and won the first two comedy competitions he entered, including the 2004 Northwest Comedy Competition. Highlights of his comedy career include having his comedy songs played on the Dr. Demento show and  the Mad Music Archive, and opening for Weird Al Yankovic, Neal McCoy and Louie Anderson.    

 Haines also spent three years personally building his family’s dream home. In an ironic twist, upon completing the 4,000 sq ft log house surrounded by a pine forest, medical tests revealed that he that he is severely allergic to pine. He now lives in a plastic bubble near Seattle with his wife and twin children.

“You da bomb” -Weird Al Yankovic 

“Engaging, honest and heartfelt– you will love him.” -Louie Anderson 

“Eric... well... I don't know what the hell he did. He joked, he sang, he jumped around, he molested random people in the audience... I was exhausted just watching him. But the audience thought he was hysterical - and that means he did his job, and exceptionally well, if the laughs were any indicator.” -Ken Pringle, chucklemonkey.com (Las Vegas Comedy Festival review)  

"My act is how stand-ups describe their act when they're trying to be sarcastic." -Eric Haines

He will make your puny brains quiver like a bowl of congealed chicken fat.

Eric Haines is available for interviews. Call or e-mail Eric through the contact page.